NFL All team recap

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Bashful Dontastic

NFL DRAFT REPORTER AND WILL LEVIS STALKER

Published 4/30/2023

The 2023 NFL Draft is done and dusted, with 259 fresh faces finding new homes across the league. It's too early to know who will soar and who will flounder, but our writers took a stab at grading each team's draft class. Here's a quick rundown:

Arizona Cardinals: A-

GM Monti Offsenfort made moves, netting nine players and four future picks. First-rounder Paris Johnson Jr. helps Kyler Murray stay upright, B.J. Ojulari adds some oomph to the pass rush, and Michael Wilson gives Murray another big target.

Atlanta Falcons: C-

Using a top-10 pick on a running back with the league's third-best run game is bold, but neglecting the pass rush hurts. Trading up for guard Matthew Bergeron seems unnecessary, but corner Jeff Okudah is a good get.

Baltimore Ravens: B-

Signing Lamar Jackson for a quarter-billion dollars is a win before the draft even starts. Leading with Zay Flowers and snagging USC lineman Andrew Voorhees in the seventh round (ACL injury and all) shows promise.

Buffalo Bills: B

The Bills went big with their first-round pick, snagging tight end Dalton Kincaid, who's like a cross between a receiver and a tight end. He's so good, he could be the next Travis Kelce, according to one NFL passing-game coordinator. But even if he's just the next Zach Ertz, that's still a great catch for QB Josh Allen. The Bills also beefed up their offensive line with Cyrus O'Torrence, a 6-foot-5, 330-pound guard. Things got a little weird in the third round when they took linebacker Dorian Williams, but hey, maybe they know something we don't. They finished strong with fifth-round receiver Justin Shorter, who's bigger than most receivers in this draft at 6-foot-4 and 230 pounds, as well as Ole Miss guard Nick Boeker and Oregon State cornerback Alex Austin in the seventh round.

Carolina Panthers: B

The Panthers were ballsy, trading up and paying a pretty penny to snag QB Bryce Young at No. 1. But their second-round pick, WR Jonathan Mingo, felt like a bit of a reach, and third-round edge DJ Johnson only had nine sacks in six years of college ball. Still, if Young turns out to be the real deal, this draft will be a win for the Panthers, even if the rest of their picks are just footnotes.

Chicago Bears: A+

Ryan Poles, the GM and former offensive lineman, had his sights set on Darnell Wright and he didn't mess around. The Bears snagged him and secured their right tackle spot for the foreseeable future, protecting their new quarterback Justin Fields. But the real star of the draft for the Bears was Miami cornerback Tyrique Stevenson. This guy is a genius on the field, analyzing and predicting his opponents' every move. And if that doesn't work, he's a big, fast, and physical player who can outmuscle anyone for the ball.

Cincinnati Bengals: B

The Bengals kept it simple, as they usually do, with no trades and one pick per round. They addressed their needs with precision, getting Myles Murphy to show off their edge depth in the first round and finding gems like receiver Charlie Jones and running back Chase Brown in the later rounds. And don't forget about Princeton's Andrei Iosavis, whose athleticism is off the charts. It may not have been the flashiest draft, but the Bengals got the job done.

Cleveland Browns: B-

The Browns were so busy trading for Watson and Moore that they almost forgot they had to draft players too! But they managed to make the most of their late picks, nabbing a WR with a history of injuries in Cedric Tillman, and a DT who's big enough to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey in Siaki Ika. Dawand Jones is also huge, like, Shaq-sized huge, and Luke Wypler could be a diamond in the rough. If these guys pan out, the Browns could be on their way to the playoffs.

Dallas Cowboys: B-

The Cowboys played it safe in this draft, like the guy who always orders vanilla ice cream because he's afraid to try anything new. They focused on building up their depth in the trenches, but they didn't exactly knock it out of the park with their picks. The first-round nose tackle might not be the sexiest choice, but hey, someone's gotta clog up the middle. Luke Schoonmaker and Deuce Vaughn are like those weird flavors of ice cream that sound gross but end up surprising you. The Cowboys just have to hope that their picks don't melt under pressure.

Denver Broncos: C-

The Broncos pulled a real head-scratcher by giving up their top pick for Sean Payton, and then using their first selection on receiver Marvin Mims. It's almost like they were playing "pin the tail on the draft board" and ended up with a wideout. On the plus side, third-round linebacker Drew Sanders was a steal and could have gone in the first round. However, the fact that the Broncos have now gone four straight years without taking an offensive lineman in the first two rounds is mind-boggling. Maybe they're trying to see if Payton can play left tackle?

Detroit Lions - B+

The Lions' draft was so good, it almost makes you forget they traded away D'Andre Swift. Jahmyr Gibbs was a bit of a head-scratcher as their first pick, but it made more sense once they traded Swift. They also filled needs in the secondary and tight end with players who should contribute right away. Iowa tight end Sam LaPorta is a real gem, and quarterback Hendon Hooker was a sneaky-good value in the third round. Maybe the Lions are onto something here. Or maybe they just got lucky. Either way, it's a solid draft.

Green Bay Packers: B

Well, the Packers didn't fulfill my dream of drafting a quarterback just to mess with Aaron Rodgers, but they did take Lukas Van Ness from Iowa at No. 13. Apparently, they plan to use him inside instead of on the edge, which is great news for the Packers' interior pass rush. And with eight first-round picks on defense, they really have no excuse for not having a top-notch unit this season.

As for the lack of a first-round receiver, I guess they figured Jaxon Smith-Njigba wasn't worth it at No. 13. But hey, at least they addressed the position on Day 2 with a couple of tight ends and a wide receiver. Personally, I'm most excited about Jayden Reed from Michigan State. Let's hope he can add something special to the Packers' young receiving corps.

Houston Texans: B-

Wow, on paper the Texans look like they had a fantastic draft! Of course, it cost them a pretty penny to trade up for Anderson, but hey, he's probably the best player in the draft so it's worth it, right? And pairing him with Stroud could be a deadly combination for years to come. It's not like they gave up next year's first-round pick or anything. Oh wait, they did.

But let's focus on the positives. The Texans addressed a bunch of needs and have one of the best draft classes on paper. Who cares if they mortgaged their future for it? They got some good players, including some guys who can contribute right away. Let's just hope they don't mess it up in the long run.

Indianapolis Colts: A-

The Indianapolis Colts showed great prowess in the NFL Draft, addressing key positions such as quarterback, receiver, cornerback, and offensive line. What's even more impressive is the impressive athleticism displayed by their draft class. Each of the 12 picks showcased remarkable speed, agility, and strength, showcasing the team's commitment to building a well-rounded roster.

Jacksonville Jaguars: B-

Meanwhile, the Jacksonville Jaguars may have taken a while to address their pass rush, but their acquisition of 12 draft picks is nothing short of admirable. With a talented quarterback in Trevor Lawrence leading the offense, the Jaguars focused on fortifying their team by taking an offensive tackle, tight end, and running back with their first three picks. These rookies are sure to make an impact and contribute to the team's success.

Kansas City Chiefs: C

I'm not sure what the Chiefs were thinking with this draft. Sure, Felix Anudike-Uzomah is a decent pick, but is he really going to replace Frank Clark? And Rashee Rice in the second round? Was Patrick Mahomes going to run out of receivers to throw to? It feels like they're just grasping at straws.

Las Vegas Raiders: C-

Tyree Wilson at 7 was a solid choice, but I'm left scratching my head at the rest of the Raiders' picks. Instead of addressing their need at QB, they go for a tight end that they don't really need. And don't even get me started on their third-round picks. It's like they were just trying to fill out their roster with mediocre players.

Los Angeles Chargers: B-

The Bolts grabbed a big ol' receiver in the first round with Quentin Johnston from TCU. He's got moves and can make things happen after the catch. Tuli Tuipulotu, the pass-rushing USC star, led the nation in sacks and can play multiple positions on the defensive line. Daiyan Henley from Washington State, a former receiver, brings energy and some major athleticism to the linebacker position. Max Duggan from TCU might have a shot at the backup QB job behind Justin Herbert. And they picked up Derius Davis, a lightning-fast receiver and returner from TCU. But wait, they didn't take a running back despite Austin Ekeler's trade request? Come on, man, that's like forgetting to bring the chips to the party.

Los Angeles Rams: B

The Rams had some serious gaps to fill, especially on defense where Aaron Donald is pretty much the only starter remaining. Tennessee's Byron Young should step in nicely to replace the departing Leonard Floyd's production. TCU's Steve Avila will beef up an offensive line that went through 14 different combinations in 2022. Georgia's Stetson Bennett will make a decent backup for the aging Matthew Stafford. With 13 picks, the Rams were basically shopping for an entire new squad after they sat out free agency due to salary cap constraints. Oh, and they got Mr. Irrelevant this year with Toledo's Desjuan Johnson. But let's be real, expectations for him might be a little too high after Brock Purdy's impressive rise to fame.

Miami Dolphins: B-

The Dolphins had only four picks, which is like going to a buffet and only getting one plate. But hey, they made the best of it. They picked up cornerback Cam Smith, which sounds like the name of a private eye in a cheesy '80s detective show. Then, they went for speed and grabbed Texas A&M RB Devon Achane, who runs like a cheetah on Red Bull. They also picked up Stanford receiver Elijah Higgins, who probably has better hands than a surgeon, and Michigan tackle Ryan Hayes, who can bench press a small car.

Minnesota Vikings: C-

The Vikings only had five picks, which is like going to a buffet and being told you can only have one spoonful of each dish. They did get a dynamic playmaker in USC wide receiver Jordan Addison, but the rest of their picks were about as exciting as watching paint dry. They waited until pick No. 164 to draft a quarterback, which is like waiting until the last minute to do your taxes. But hey, at least they got LSU cornerback Jay Ward, who can cover better than a bedsheet. Maybe he'll be a starter, maybe he won't. Who knows?

New England Patriots: B+

Oh boy, the New England Patriots just killed it in the draft! Bill Belichick got himself an absolute gem in cornerback Christian Gonzalez, who might just be the greatest athlete he's ever coached at that position. Move over, Ty Law and Stephon Gillmore, there's a new sheriff in town! And let's not forget about Keion White, the Georgia Tech defensive end who's dripping with potential. But don't worry, he won't have to play anytime soon since the Patriots are so stacked on the edge.

Oh, and let's not forget that the Patriots managed to snag TWELVE prospects in total. That's right, folks, TWELVE! They picked up three cornerbacks, one defensive lineman, one inside linebacker, two receivers, three interior offensive linemen, one kicker, and one punter. Impressive, right?

But, of course, they couldn't get everything they needed. The one glaring hole in their roster, a tackle, was left unfilled. Oops!

New Orleans Saints: C-

As for the New Orleans Saints, well, they did what they could, I guess. Sure, addressing the defensive front was a good move, but I'm not sure about their second-round pick, Isaiah Foskey. And trading up for Nick Saldiveri was a bit aggressive, don't you think? At least they picked up Jake Haener in the fourth round. He can sit and learn from Derek Carr for a year, no problem. And hey, they did get Chris Olave last year, so I guess that counts for something.

New York Giants: A

Wow, GM Joe Schoen really hit it out of the park in this draft. He had a laundry list of needs and he filled them all with impressive picks. Deonte Banks, Jalin Hyatt, and John Michael Schmitz are all Day 1 starters and will make a significant impact on the Giants' offense. And getting Eric Gray in the fifth round is an absolute steal. The Giants are going to be a force to be reckoned with this season.

New York Jets: C-

I'm not sure what the Jets were thinking in this draft. It's like they went out of their way to avoid addressing their most pressing needs. Sure, Will McDonald IV is a good player, but did they really need another pass-rusher? And while Joe Tippmann and Carter Warren are solid picks, they're not going to be game-changers in Year 1. And don't even get me started on their Day 3 picks. I have no idea what they were going for there. It's going to be a long season for Jets fans.

Philadelphia Eagles: A+

Holy cow, Howie Roseman! Did you just sell your soul to the devil to get this draft haul? Jalen Carter at No. 9 is a steal, but then you go ahead and grab Nolan Smith at 30, who some experts thought would be gone in the top 10. And to top it off, you grab Kelee Ringo in the fourth? This guy could have easily gone in the first round. And let's not forget about D'Andre Swift. You basically got a Swiss Army knife for your backfield. You even managed to raid Georgia's program so thoroughly that they might have to shut down the football team. The Eagles are now the team to beat in the NFC, and it's all thanks to you, Howie.

Pittsburgh Steelers: B+

Mike Nolan and company did a good job in this draft, grabbing Broderick Jones to protect their new QB Kenny Pickett. And Joey Porter Jr. could turn out to be a ballhawk in the secondary, following in the footsteps of his legendary father. But let's not forget about Darnell Washington, who could be a monster in the red zone. If the Steelers ever need a play, just throw it up to him and watch the defenders run in terror. And Keeanu Benton has the potential to be a pass-rushing force on the interior. All in all, a solid draft for Pittsburgh, even if they didn't sell their souls like the Eagles did.

San Francisco 49ers: C-

The 49ers were a bit of a head-scratcher this year, with no picks in the first two rounds and a questionable selection of a kicker in the third round. While safety Ji'Ayir Brown and tight end Cameron Latu have potential, the selection of Michigan kicker Jake Moody in the third round had people wondering if the 49ers had lost their minds. But hey, if he makes clutch kicks, maybe it'll all be worth it.

Seattle Seahawks: B 

The Seahawks seem to have their draft strategy down pat. Once again, they managed to draft several potential difference-makers. Cornerback Devon Witherspoon has speed and physicality that should bolster their already-strong secondary, which features Pro Bowlers Tariq Woolen and Quandre Diggs. Receiver Jaxon Smith-Njigba will be a headache for opposing defenses working the middle of the field. And with UCLA running back Zach Charbonnet joining Ken Walker III, the Seahawks will have a backfield duo that's more dangerous than a seagull with a french fry. Even the addition of pass-rusher Derick Hall has people in Seattle squawking with excitement.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: B-

Tampa Bay's draft was like a high-speed chase, with Calijah Kancey and Trey Palmer leading the pack. And don't forget Cody Mauch, who brings more color to the offensive line than a pack of highlighters. The Bucs used the third day of the draft to build up depth, and even undrafted Sean Tucker could be a hidden gem.

Tennessee Titans: C-

The Titans focused on the offense like a laser beam, but they must have been blindfolded when it came to their biggest need: wide receiver. They waited until the seventh round to grab Colton Dowell, who may end up being a long shot to make the team. Tennessee still needs to do some serious window shopping at that position.

Washington Commanders: B-

The Commanders were like a team of gamblers, taking risks left and right. They rolled the dice with Emmanuel Forbes, who weighs less than a sack of potatoes, but if he can hold his own, the secondary just got a big boost. Quan Martin in the second round was another smart move. They beefed up the offensive line with Ricky Stromberg and Braeden Daniels, who could both develop into key players. While some of the picks may have been a little bit of a reach, not drafting a tight end feels like a missed opportunity.

Well, it's time to say goodbye to another exciting NFL draft season. And let's be honest, who doesn't just love Will Levis? I mean, who cares if he went in the second round and has minimal experience as a starting quarterback? He's got that scrappy underdog vibe that just makes you want to root for him. Plus, it's not like having a solid backup QB is important in this league or anything. But hey, we're sure he'll be a superstar in the XFL someday.