Top 5 Super Bowl Contenders (Post-Draft Panic Edition)
- Chicago Bears — Because why not? Caleb Williams is inevitable.
- New York Jets — Aaron Rodgers returns to mentor Jusin Fields.
- Detroit Lions — Dan Campbell successfully bites a kneecap and wins Coach of the Year.
- Kansas City Chiefs — Mahomes drafts himself again at WR1.
- Houston Texans — CJ Stroud now officially owns the AFC South and possibly parts of Oklahoma.
Conspiracy Corner
Hot Take: Shedeur Sanders' unexpected fall out of Round 1 wasn't about performance — it was a covert operation led by anonymous NFC East GMs trying to ensure their playoff hopes live for another decade.